Saturday, March 19, 2011


Oookay, I am taking a break from life and making myself sit down and think about something of importance, or relevance.

My husband and I started watching Sister Wives, and it is interesting how many discussions it brought up about polygamy. Now, understand that we have never had a knee-jerk reaction to polygamy while we have known each other, but this is something I witness from others quite often. People immediately say, "Oh, no, gross, I would NEVER!!" but it is amazing how quickly they open up a "maybe" when you start bring examples in which it would be beneficial. The hypothetical example I typically give is: What if I was injured and became paralyzed from the neck down?

So, given this example, let's think through some scenarios.

1) My husband has to take care of me 100%, whether that is paying for a home nurse, or doing the work himself; probably somewhere in between. He now has the rest of his life married to me in which I basically can hold a conversation with him. I no longer can meet his physical needs nor can I take care of him in any way. This is a one way street.
2) My husband divorces me so he can be with someone who is able to meet his needs.

I don't think either of these options really seem like a good solution to this problem. Simply, taking another wife would be beneficial for both the husband and the wife. The wife can still be taken care of by the husband financially, and he can have his physical needs met (food, care, sex, etc.) by his second wife.

This is only one example. Think further, and we can find many other examples of situations that would be beneficial to both parties. For instance if the wife is barren, the wife has a much lower sexual drive than the husband, or even if she is less "cuddly" than him, the husband wants more kids than the wife wants to have, etc.

I have heard so many people look at men who are in polygamous marriages as if they are sex fiends. Okay, so let's be blunt here... who cares if they are?!? They are acting out their desires in a committed, loving relationship! This is not some guy who is cheating on his wife, lying about his actions, etc. all to cover up this deep dark secret that *gasp* he wants to have sex! I can't count how many times I have heard wives say they want sex FAR less than their husband does. Some go as far as maybe only being intimate with their husband a dozen times a year. So let's say a guy has two wives and they both have this type of drive. He would have sex *oh my gosh!!!* 24 times a  year. Whoooooaaaaa!! He must be a maniac, right?


So let's get real. It is perfectly legal for a man to be intimate with as many women as he wants, so long as he doesn't marry them. If he wants to be committed and marry them, this is downright illegal. What a system we live in.

So, before we go on judging about how disgusting a man is to have more than one wife, let's first think about how brave, caring, generous, kind, thoughtful, and affectionate this man must be to have won over not one, but two or more women to be his life long partner.


  1. But you are assuming the man is wonderful when maybe he threatens his wife by saying he will take another wife if she doesnt' please him. Eh, if you want that kind of life, go for it. I'm all for choice.

    And what happens if your husband is the vegetable and your sexual needs can't be met? I guess that's what divorce is for since women never have the same legal rights as men (e.g. polygamy). It's definitely a man's world!

  2. Yes, we assume the best given these situations. If we assume otherwise, why would anyone get married in the first place? :)

    See, with polygamy, it really can only go one way. Either only the men can do it or only the women can. If we don't have this limitation you can quickly create a web of marriages and lineage can get quite messy.

    i.e. Sally has three husbands: A, B, and C (yes, you can marvel at my creativity right now, hehe). Husband A has three wives, Z, Y, and X. Wife X has two husbands: D and E. Now, Sally has a son and by nature you can't know for sure who the father is (unless you are abstinent with the other husbands while you try for a baby, which wouldn't seem common). Wife X has a baby, which could be husband A's. So, is Sally and Wife X's kids brother and sister? They could not be related at all and legally be able to marry each other. The other option is they could commit incest without knowing it. Sure, we could say to stay out of the family, but this web could grow indefinitely!

    I don't know that I would be okay with having another wife in our family. I like to think I'm strong enough with myself to not let it bother me, but who knows. My main point in writing this post is to show A) there are reasons why it is beneficial and B) our knee jerk reaction typically is on emotion and not pure logic.

    Peace and Blessings :)